Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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