Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize