I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
