In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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