worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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