He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
