I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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