if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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