I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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