4 words: hood of his car
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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