The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
