It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't deserve a penis
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize