If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i think i just lost a toe
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
