does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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