I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
