My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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