and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
