One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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