when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
