you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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