Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
