HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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