I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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