i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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