I cut my penus on the lid.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
