I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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