I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
