wat bout pragnant strippers??
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
