And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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