Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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