C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
