Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
