im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
