so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
