Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
