It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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