I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize