..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
