There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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