I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
