I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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