So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
