Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
