I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
