booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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