I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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