dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
