I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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