I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
