Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just want nice things and good sex
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
