they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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