As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
