i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
