Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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