I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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