Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
