I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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