So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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