I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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