how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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