Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
