you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
