yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
