it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
