Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
