There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
