Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
