All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Your penis caused this!
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