So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
