I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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