I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
