you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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