We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
